A Christmas Detour
5 out of 5 Eye-Rolls (which is really really bad).
A Hallmark Christmas Movie and Candace Cameron Bure movie.
A Short Synopsis: Two travelers become linked when a snowstorm grounds their flight in Buffalo.
My Thoughts: Paige Summerlind (Candace) is a Wedding Magazine 100 Ways list journalist, who thinks she’s got the perfect fiance, Jack. And then winds up having to travel with the exact opposite, Dylan.
For a moment there, the plot almost reminds me of the Sandra Bullock and Ben Affleck movie, Forces of Nature. But instead of hurricanes, It’s blizzards.
Should be good, right? WRONG!
(A note, I didn’t think about how much of a rant this was until I was down to 20 or so Things I didn’t like about Candace and this movie. So I’ve made the rants as short as I could. And this helped me vent and explain my dislike of the Cameron Siblings.)
47 Things I Disliked About A Christmas Detour and Candace Cameron Bure.
First, things I don’t like about Candace Cameron Bure…
(01) What she said about being submissive to her husband in her new bio book. If she’s letting him pick out the things she acts in, she should fire him as her agent straight away.
(02) Her anti-gay stance
(03) she has very Christian views (her brother Kirk too, who has his own gospel show). (I bring up her religion and gay views because the Hallmark movies she’s been in don’t seem to conflict with any of her views. Even Tom Cruise doesn’t limit his movies to his religious views I think.).
(04) ever since I heard her whiny voice in Full House, I’ve disliked her. She hasn’t changed much IMO.
(05) I really don’t like her smile
(06) or her voice.
(07) She can’t act. Why do I think she can’t act? A few reasons. First, she is horrible at crying on cue (she makes this face before quickly covering it with her hand. And the noise, oh the noise, noise, noise).
(08) She has a very limited amount of emotional facial looks.
(09) her body acting is so stiff.
(10) I can’t tell the difference between whether she’s in love, mad, or just happy. Her behavior doesn’t match what she’s supposed to be acting like.
Things I didn’t like about the Movie:
(11) Paige going psycho at the airport – I mean, the lady is minding her own business trying to look at a magazine, and Candace is up in her face about her entire life story. And it all started thanks to the innocent bystander saying, “Can I help you?” I even detected an eye-roll from the bystander.
If this happened to me, where someone was reading over my shoulder and bringing up a conversation about how they wrote one of the articles, well I wouldn’t be as nice as this lady who just smiled at her and continued to look at the cover.
(12) Dylan (Paul Greene) – what is his job exactly? Never really got what he did for a living except telling bartenders how to bartend. And he gives this advice to all the bartenders he visits (2).
(13) the name Dylan… now I’m envisioning Luke Perry as Dylan McKay in 90210. And the Hallmark Dylan is almost suave and dangerous like Luke too. Hallmark couldn’t come up with their own character development.
(14) Paige’s obsession with her “Vision Board.” One, it’s HUGE! Two, she actually decided to take that huge thing with her on the trip. Three, where does she plan on loading that in the carry-on storage? It’s bigger than her cary-on suitcase!
(15) the bickering married couple has more luggage than Paige, and yet she has enough room for 2 designer dresses, and an entire wardrobe for the weekend.
(16) Jack (Paige’s fiance) in New York – his parents house looks like something from Doctor Zhivago. I also didn’t like Jack, but then Hallmark made him unlikable.
(17) Paige and Dylan jabbering away while everyone on the plane is trying to sleep. Wait. I thought they took a plane during the day? Does it really take all day and night to travel from LA to Buffalo? Long enough for everyone to enjoy a Red-Eye sleep? Even though they left at daytime and arrived in Buffalo during the daytime?
(18) Self-absorbed Paige going on again to complete strangers about her life story. And they aren’t thrilled. Poor Frank and Maxine Harper… But of course, they wouldn’t have been shown 3 times before if they weren’t’t also going to be traveling with Paige and Dylan.
(19) 8 things I don’t like about the movie, and it’s only 13 minutes in!
(20) I knew there was a reason for the stereotypical married couple who nag and fight with each other – Hallmark needed a contrast of a perfect marriage for Paige to see. Although she’s supposedly researched about marriage already, right? And yet she still thinks everybody has found their true love, and all marriages are perfect.
(21) only 1 out of 5 people at the airport bus stop is wearing a hat of some sort to protect themselves in the cold. But it’s probably fake snow, and these actors don’t want to mess up their hair, right?
(22) This is the airport hotel. It looks more like the hotel from The Shining. It looks small and deserted. And yet, it’s supposed to be really fancy and everything – a nice dinner, 3+ stories, with adjoining rooms, and balconies.
(23) Of course, Paige wants a hotel room that is facing the airport, and the only room available, on the 3rd floor, is an adjoining room. And of course, Dylan is in the other room.
(24) Paige hasn’t planned her dream wedding. For a woman that has things so planned out, Paige hasn’t booked any venues or places for her wedding. Apparently you need to book The Plaza a year in advance, not 6 months.
(25) Candace Cameron‘s commentary between the commercials, really really really didn’t like them. And the first comment about the movie, she makes liking Dylan a bad thing. Not bad because the character doesn’t like him, more like because he’s the bad guy (villain) in the movie.
(26) Traveling in the snow storm when advised not to. News stations advising against roadside traveling, but that’s not going to be a problem for the 4 wheel drive Dylan rented. And the trains are closed too. So good thing Dylan rented that car.
(27) Again, out in the blizzard and nothing to protect their heads.
(28) Fake Plastic White Christmas Trees! Everywhere! (And other fake trees too)
(29) Again with the bad crying! Who is she fooling? Even my 85 year old Gramps says that there are actors that can cry better than Candace does. She had to cry I guess because Jack’s parents wants her to postpone the wedding for a year. But if you know you’re bad at fake crying, couldn’t she have done something else for this scene? I don’t know, maybe a Panic Attack? Unless Candace can’t do that either.
(30) Way too predictable. Dylan saves the day just after Paige asks how she’s going to get to New York by tomorrow.
(31) You’re driving too fast!!!!!! Dylan supposed to be driving very slowly and the scenes they show the car driving, he’s going pretty fast.
(32) Another Hallmark heroine with a dream guy check list. Paige’s list – 75 Traits for the Perfect Man. And Jack has all but 1 checked off, he lacks a sense of humor.
(33) Paige and Dylan droning on about commitment almost put me to sleep. Thankfully the film makers decided that Paige needed to yell, “Look out” and cause an accident because she “thought” she saw a rabbit on the road.
(34) Thankfully they found the Tannenbaum Hotel, where it apparently has fake snow in abundance. The errors with the fake snow on the actors is a big no-no in Stage Prop 101 – always make sure the actors have the same proportions of the props being used between each take! It seemed like every time it panned to the characters that had to have snow on them, the amounts changed every time. More, no less, no needs more…
(35) When Dylan explains that his ex left him for his brother – Gramps thought maybe Dylan would be Jack’s brother. Now that would give this a needed twist. But wait, they already did something like that – A Very Merry Mix-Up (also has some airport and traveling plot too).
(36) Paige is like Katie Perry’s Hot n Cold song, “You’re yes and then no”… One scene, Paige is telling Dylan they shouldn’t get romantic while they were dancing. Another scene there kissing under a mistletoe at a Christmas Tree exhibit or something. Luckily they were saved just in time by some Christmas Carolers.
(37) Paige gets a ride by the hotel guy’s uncle (who happened to be a truck driver), and poor guy, he too gets subjected to Paige’s ramblings. And he wasn’t happy about it either.
(38) The car – it supposedly a wreck after the spin-out and crashing to a tree. But it’s all good. Car still looks exactly the same before the accident.
(39) With the way Paige blabbed on about her dinner with her soon-to-be in-laws, of course Maxine knew where they were going. So one can only guess as to who else is coming for dinner.
(40) Stiff-colored Jack doesn’t know Paige enough to know what her laugh sounds like… if you call that a laugh. More like a bad pig-like snort.
(41) The Landscape. One minute, I’m thinking the scene pictures is a Frostbite Winter Wonderland, the next, like I’m watching a Martha Stewart Christmas Special. The camera shots of Dylan’s parents house (and all the other camera shots), looks like something from a Martha Stewart show. Over-kill! I didn’t bother taking any more screen shots, too ridiculous.
(42) Isn’t that Convenient. the way Dylan just notices Paige’s “Vision Board” in the car at the end. It was only visible during most of the car driving scenes!
(43) Jack’s mom tells Paige about the arrangements they’ve made so far for the wedding (the where, the food, and so on). Paige gets only a little mad, because wasn’t she looking forward to the mom-in-law’s help after all?
(44) Cheesiest break-up ever! (Need to dump the stiff for the unemployed guy after all)
(45) Still don’t know what Dylan does for a living.
(46) Cheesiest ending.
(47) I ended up liking the married couple (Frank and Maxine), more than the main characters (Page and Dylan).